Ok, really Dolce & Gabbana? Was this necessary to convey to us that you make fantastic clothing? Because, actually the only people really modeling clothing, which would be the purpose of an AD for designers, right? Well, the only men advertising clothing are in the background. In the foreground what do we have? Glorified rape! YAY! Not. How is this ok? And I am not a prude, trust me, but come on really? This is one of the most blatant sexist ads I have ever seen. If she looked any more passive and the men any more active, and if a naked man holding down an unwilling looking woman clad scantily is not an image of exploitation, dominance and glorified rape, I just don't know what is. Not cool Dolce & Gabbana, not cool at all. Luckily, I believe, this AD got pulled because it was so offensive. Which is cool, yay, one AD gone, but come on people think about how many more still exist. And don't say I am being a prissy feminist or whatever, because the truth is, whether you define yourself as a feminist or not, liberal or conservative, democrat or republican, you should not want children (or adults for that matter) to be exposed to ADS like this one that basically tell young girls that there only choices and roles in life are those of submission and sex slave, and she better do it while she looks damn hot. It might not seem like a big deal, one AD, but think about how much these images appear to us, billboards, magazines, TV, the aisle at the supermarket, drugstore, etc., its like you can't escape sometimes! And young children are like sponges, they absorb everything, so be careful about what you complain about and don't, because it all matters. Take a stand so the children of tomorrow don't have to feel sexploited the way the women of yesterday and today did and do. 

Brief Response to "Appetites"

In reading this I was most struck by something that Knapp brings up in the first chapter.

She mentions "the tyranny of freedom" as coined by Barry Schwartz (p. 45) and goes on to discuss that indeed in contrast to the oppression out mothers, grandmothers and great grandmothers before us faced, this new found freedom, with its infinite possibilities that are being offered to women, can actually liberating as it may be, feel overwhelming and oppressive to many of us third wave feminists. Instead of women's lives being carved out with an acceptable path from the beginning, women are offered choices and thus there are numerous acceptable paths which she could chose to go down. This is liberating, yes, and what our foremothers hoped for, but for us living it, we can feel overwhelmed by these immense opportunities and perhaps even a little bit lost under the pressure of being given these opportunities and deciding how best to move forward with them. Selfish? Perhaps, but true? Yes.

I also very much enjoyed her second chapter which narrowed in more closely on her family situation and even more specifically her relationship with her mother. Brumberg also looked closely at the family structure and its role with eating disorders and young girls, and it seems to be the trend, that cliche, but clearly very true, many of young girls are constantly seeking approval and affirmation from their mothers no matter whether their relationship with their mother be a positive or negative influence in their life.

Knapp also tackles appetites and eating disorders in the bigger sense, within society. She illustrates some of the conflicting associations linked with women and eating, as women are expected to not want or desire, and to also be waif like and thin, thus comes their, seemingly inevitable struggle, when they do in fact desire, and that desire often does manifest itself in food form. She does a good job illustrating both with her own inner struggle and the examples of other women she uses, to show the inner struggle, confusion, fear and ultimate guilt women feel because of, over and for food.

"Queer Studies"

I found this collection of articles particularly fascinating, especially the first two "Beauty Mandates" by Myers, Taub, Morris and Rothblum and "Resistance and Reinsciption" by Auerbach and Bradley, as both these two articles had a more specific focus on Lesbian women and their relationship with body image and body ideals.

In the first article, research is presented to us stating that young girls despite what sexual orientation they embrace as adults, are all socialized and condition the same way as children, which is to be very aware of their bodies, and very critical of their outer beauty as they are being told that it is their outer beauty that determines there worth as people. And with this research the assertion is made that despite whether a woman is gay or straight these values and ideals are SO culturally ingrained within women, that they are hard to shake off.

The article ponders whether Lesbian women who come out of the closet are actually freed and liberated from the chains of beauty ideals.

Through a series of interviews, we see that while some women did in fact feel empowered to come out as lesbians and abadon traditional "feminine" ways of dressing, even for lesbians and within the Lesbian community, there are a strict set of norms and standards that lesbians have to abide by.

I would even argue that it is twice as hard for gay women (or men) because they feel the pressure from two cultures, gay culture and straight culture. It is as if if they fit into one, they are accused by the other as not embracing their homosexuality, and if they fit into the homosexual culture, there are still norms and standards to abide by, SO they are still conforming and succumbing, they are not really "free."

On page 18, research is cited by Brand, Rothum and Solomon that I found particularly interesting as they make a link and association between attracting men and thinness. "...heterosexual women and gay men-both groups of people concerned with attracting men-reported lower body weights and more weight preoccupation that heterosexual men and lesbians-groups not concerned with attracting men." (Beauty Mandates, p. 18-19)

The pressure to be thin then, may not be gendered, but could it in fact be linked to your sexual preference? And I wonder, does it go back to very traditional stereotypical roles of partners in which the dominant one, typically the male, is bigger and the submissive one, (typically the women) is small? Thus, in finding a partner, gay men and women, since they are seeking men, and men are the dominant members of our society, we feel we have to be smaller... more invisible.. literally take up less space and room?

Also on page 21, something is brought up that I would like to question. They are making assertions about the history of lesbianism and how women were dressing in the 20's all the way though the 90's. They make a statement on page 21 about how younger lesbians felt it was harder to fit in while older lesbians said that it was easier and linked this with an explanation to the decades in which the two generations were living. I argue however, that this is an age issue. I believe that with the more life experience you have, the older you become, the more self aware and self confident you are, thus I link these young girls insecurities with their age, not with the generation and time in which they are living. I can not imagine being a Lesbian was easier in the 50's than it is now, and thus link this comfort level with age and self confidence.

Also on page 20, I think it is important to discuss the standards lesbians set within their own Lesbian communities about the acceptable ways to dress and appear. The "Butch/femme" code seemed to cause misfits and unacceptable for women even within Lesbian communities. They even had a term "kiki" (unfavorable) for women they could not identify as butch or femme, indicating that just as in straight culture, people do not accept and are wary of that which they can not immediately label and understand, and that goes for both straight and gay culture.

Another problem within the lebsian community, is for more feminine lesbians, or a popular term now is lipstick Lesbian, they are made fun of and ostracize by more butch lesbians who say they are trying to come off as straight. It is as though the butch lesbians who undeniably get called "dyke" more often and are treated more poorly because their sexual orientation is more obvious, are angered by the feminine lesbians who avoid the suffering they do by appearing more feminine. "Femmes are not accepted because they're treated as if they are trying to pass as straight. Femme lesbians may become invisible in Lesbian culture." (Mandates, p. 23)

In the second article through a series of ten interviews of Lesbian or bisexual women of carrying age and color, I found it fascinating to read the different ways in which coming out helped empower and heal women. The one woman who talks about her huge breasts that she felt she needed to hide with ugly bras, and then celebrated when her girlfriend took her shopping for lacy bras was of particular heartwarming interest to me. I felt as though sometimes as a straight feminist, I look at a lacy bra and think really what is the point of this article, a bra should just be a bra, a garmet used to support and hold your breasts in place, however, i realized for this Lesbian who had been told by society, sports teams and her mother that her breasts were something to be ashamed of and hidden, this lacy girly feminine article of clothing was liberating and a fantastic symbol of loving your body and rejecting body images, demands and ideals.

These articles, especially with the honesty of the women who describe their insecurities and how coming out helped them deal with body image only showed me how personal body image is for every woman, and how every woman will choose to deal with her personal insecurity or issue in its own way. Just as it is impossible for their to be one beauty standard demanded of us by mainstream pop-culture, it is impossible for their to be only one "non-standard". Each women is going to have to embrace her body and the way she chooses to celebrate it on her own terms.

Me x3three

Will I ever be whole again?

I try to keep this blog more about my art, but sometimes, especially when I can not sleep, I don't know what else to do with my feelings. At this late an hour, I can not leave my apartment, I feel trapped. I can't escape. Being unable to sleep is sometimes the worse of punishments because there are so few distractions at such the wee hours of the morning. There is very little to watch on TV, few people awake to call or IM, few new posts or updates on FB and no where to go, especially safely when you are a 22 year old woman living in a small sketchy town.

So what to do? Nothing. I am left alone with my thoughts, and my thoughts are all consumed with him. I seem to have become so apathetic to anything not having to do with him.

Even when guys show interest in me, I can't help but constantly fall back on my love for him and think how I would much rather be with him, loving him and more importantly- his.

I am not really into POP Music, but there is one song in that particular lackluster genre of music that makes me think of him, and that is "If I were a boy" by Beyonce. I feel like we both endured the same intensity, we both loved and lost, so why am I the one here in all this pain, and he is fine, among his friends, sleeping with others girls happy and ok.

Oh, how I long to be ok.

"If I were a boy, I'd listen to her, cause I know how it hurts. When you lose the one you wanted cause he's taken you for granted and everything you had got destroyed." --- True, very true. Well sung B.

I want so badly to move forward, everyone keeps saying, oh when you want to move on, you will! Are you FUCKING kidding me!? I want to move on so badly, I want to move forward, I don't want to be in pain! I want to fall out of love with him, and in love with someone who actually fucking cares and misses me when I'm gone. Obviously that is NOT happening. For anyone who thinks I am continuing to make myself feel this way on fucking purpose, you are insane and stupid. I want to let this go, obviously I can't. There is clearly something bigger going on here.

A good friend of mine recommended to me that I should write every single time I feel enraged or depressed about him, and I haven't done so. But you know what? It was probably good advice, because it is much better I get those feelings OUT somewhere than harbor them.

He sucks. I hate him. Mature and untrue, I know. But it makes me feel better to write that he SUCKS, even though he totally doesn't.

Fuck this, it didn't help but at least maybe when I write my memoir,I can just draw on these blog entries and piece together my story more easily and accurately, especially since as of late, I am simply going through the motions of my days without much awareness.

Goodnight to all my little blog readers,

Until next time- thanks for reading another "peace" of Pandora.

-- Pandora <3

A triad of Sunsets.

The Road less Traveled

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

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