Auxesia

Oh Little Auxesia

You always were a self-determined one

The Kind of child even parent's fear

Fear of being unable to satisfy the sort of hunger that no sustenance can claim

I remember I used to lay my head to your chest and listen to the rhythmic beating

like the soft pitter patter of the rain

I remember watching you as you painted your face in blues and pinks

and wore shoes so high

I remember clinging to you in the night as terrors crept into my dreams

I remember your soothing lullaby

I think often of the smile you would place in order to sooth my discomfort 

and the cookie you would sneak upstairs for a special treat

I remember finding you there

Dried blood underneath your nose

The Window open

With small swift wind breathing the air you no longer would

And I remember my screaming. 

The sound will echo through the deepest chamber of my soul for all eternity. 

And now I watch as mother holds you

Screaming and clutching as though the tighter she holds, the more likely it is you can return to us

But we always knew you would do this didn't we?

We always knew the end would come for you when you decided .

Self determined Auxesia. 

I watch you lay to rest now

A chain of red marks bruise your neck

And as a tear rolls down my cheek

I look at your small hands and wonder who has painted your nails.